Note to self - thanks to April D.

Self: Look at this more when you have time:

"People are always more than just one thing. I may be a drunk and also a musician or a talented painter. Communities working to get stronger will not buy the deficiency view that any person is only a negative label with nothing to offer. Communi...ty builders are determined to find what else a person is, what he or she has to contribute." - Mike Green, When People Care Enough to Act, p.36

thoughts on time alone

A few minutes to myself. Actually, I spent a lot of time alone today. I felt lonely, which I don't usually. I'm fortunate to have many wonderful, deep friends that I have met across time and space. And it was good to chat online with kittysunlover this afternoon. But it's not the same as sitting around campus visiting or working on homework together. I get some of that with Daniel, but we're rarely both at home studying it seems. I could have gone home today, but I would have had to come back in 3 hours and I didn't feel like spending half that time riding the bus. I guess I want a wider social circle. Sadly, I seem to be pretty pinched for time to invest in that on campus. I feel like I have a sense of being connected to people in the world, but very few of them are actually physically present in my life, and most of those that are only can be in my life here and there for a couple of hours a week. And I wonder about how much to invest really in the undergrad population here. I mean, I guess I might be on this campus another 2-3 years, but there are so many people in so much transition. I spent part of the afternoon sitting in the Stonewall LGBT center. I know this has become really rambly, and I'm not necessarily looking for answers, just taking care of myself a little by getting some of my thoughts out. Today is also the first day that I haven't felt like I'm running around every second figuring out how to do what when and in which order. That's not to say that I'm not busy or don't have a lot to work on, but suddenly I'm feeling like it's a lot more manageable. I think it's partly not being sick at all this week and not working today, but Saturday like I'm supposed to. Also, talking with my geography prof this afternoon made me realize that I'm a lot more capable at that class than I give myself credit for. That's something I thought about last night after almost getting hit by that car, while I was appreciating the fact that I'm alive: I don't give myself enough credit. I do a LOT, and every 3 months or so I guess, I realize that I'm REALLY hard on myself. I am doing well, better than might be expected, taking so many obstacles into account. I'm getting stronger, learning how to do more and meet bigger demands. There's a lot on my plate, it's true, there's a lot I need to decide whether I'm gonna invest in or not, there are problems that I want to turn my creativity towards... and I AM DOING IT.

Metamorphisis.

I have a lot that I've been wanting to write about. Only a little I think tonight, I still have Quantitative Geography to work on.

I am shifting. I remain irrevocably committed to the intentions of this blog, my mission towards a series of village intentional communities. But I have been opening myself up to more possibilities. I realized recently, with some shock, that I have become a bit more conservative than I mean to me... not in terms of ideals or ideology..., but in terms of what I am willing to risk, try, do, give up, sacrifice. I'm not sure where all that started. I think that matters a bit... I could learn a few things by figuring out when that became a bigger trend and not just a minor thing with some things. I have noticed it because this summer, in trying to work toward a community of people with the shared goal of physical actualization of the village, I came to understand that I am too unilateral in this. Before anyone nay-says this, I am not bashing myself. I am looking and seeing where I can improve, how to move forward. And what I see is that there *are* other people in this movement, doing similar things. Even if I do not want to do things just as they do or see things differently, I can learn a great deal, and I can become part of the network of intentional communalists. These realizations also led me to a desire to be broader in my academic scope. Buddhism teaches me that I don't have to limit myself. I am beginning to observe and live that teaching instead of just listening to it. So suddenly I am not just shifting how I think about the Sunflower Village Initiative, I am redefining what I think is possible for my life. This past week, I've frequently felt overwhelmed... I realized that I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. It's a ultimately a good thing, it's self induced, and I'm glad I'm having it. That doesn't keep it from being kind of stressful and chaotic and me wanting lots of space, particularly for writing. Last week I really didn't feel like I had timespace for writing. I think I'm going to have more of it this week. Suddenly I am incorporating all my desires and dreams, looking again to see how they work together, support each other, fuse together into this phenomena called my life.

I am very grateful to my friends right now. I appreciate your unwavering support and unconditional love. Thank you.

p.s. It's *actually* fall in New England now, and it's gorgeous

Landlessness and wage-bonds

Long week... already, catching up from being sick
not just from school, but that, yes, always that, doing what I can, and communicating like crazy, to profs, TAs, SGI people.
Still not caught up with myself. Got to do some dishes after finishing homework tonight, and yeah, I said *got* to and meant it. Thank goodness Daniel did the laundry. We're both running hard and doing all we can, and our lives are becoming ever more gargantuan.

Lots of things I want to write about - my connect/disconnect to Marx, marxism, labor. My passion for Upton Sinclair. Thinking about economy and organization of labor. Reconsidering my approaches.

There are two bandages that hold us in thrall, physically in this society.

(I know there are others, many others, in spiritual, intellectual, other areas, I know, know too that they are all interconnected, but I have a PoinT here... that is to say, there are two bondages)

There are two bondages: Being, still, after milennia, the landless peasantry, the land ripped away from us (ill-ly)legally....( we, the working class, the producers, the makers of vitals or the chain of people who get them from the makers to You, consumer.) In short: we rent, we do not own our castles, our abodes where we may at last have our Say. I rent, so I do not define my own space, except on the surface, my trappings, my coverings, things I bring every place I live to remind-pretend that this is not someone else's. I doubt again that I will grow corn next spring or summer, and who knows if/when ever I'll get that cat door. Because it is not something I really have a say over. So, the bondage that I rent, that I am landless, like every lowest class. And there abounds the myth that there is not class in *America. So, the idea, the revolutionistic desire that once again, we should have an abode, for us, not for the profit of another, but a place to finally hang our hat at the end of the day and not worry whether the second bondage threatens us in the security of our sleep.

The second bondage: to work filling the pockets of others to bursting, and not being able to tell whether we fill ours just enough to eat, to sedate ourselves a little into acceptance, or whether we are actually benefiting from the arrangement, making progress towards freedom from the first bondage or following dreams or saving the world or merely having a fulfilling occupation. Yes, that second bondage is, (and I *will* be so bold as to thank Marx for this line) the slavery of wage.... that endless work that we too often cannot tell what happens to, who it benefits, if it is what we are told it is. Is this the best we have to offer? Too many inconsistencies, and always this cycle of how much do we risk to speak up to appease our angry sense of justice , how much do we live with in order that we may attempt to someway, somehow, accomplish our nobler ends? The means ARE connected, invariably to the ends. There must be better means, or our ends are sure to haunt us as tainted. To which solution, then do I dare?

I don't know yet... again, more research, more dialogue, more experimentation and self-delving.

Again, and more. A few snippets of new connections, fresh determination, I leave here tonight. There is certainly more whirling around, but tomorrow has, again, many demands.

Take 2

What is Economy?

It seems strange to me that people are so constantly referring to “the economy” as being bad. Obviously the flow of money has become much tighter, especially in the past year… and people are worried about the future of their jobs and education, the country and the world. What strikes me as so odd is that saying “the economy’s bad” suggests that this is a temporary state. But I feel like we have had a bad economy for a long time… the entire premise of our economy is bad… the attitude we have towards land and resources, the lifestyle of consumption in the United States, the way people accept authoritarian definitions, the way we allow external entities to organize our labour, our access, and our individuality. That is not good economy to me. A good economy would have more respect for the earth, allow more people more opportunities, and be more globally responsible, for starters.

In the broadest sense, economy is the sum of human activity: it is how we get things done. Often economy is used as referring to trade, cash, capitalist economy, or even capitalist globalization. However, it also includes cottage industries, barter, gift economies, volunteer work and service, the work of clubs and religious groups, intentional communities, collectives, co-ops, and Community Supported Agriculture, and the, basic, ancient unit of family work. Excluding these aspects of economy restricts the understanding people have about what economy is and what control they have over it, including how to organize it.

Tubing it up

I jotted this down last week for my first assignment in Economic Geography. We have to make a YouTube video about how we define economy. When it's up on YouTube, I'll make note of that here. In the meantime, here's a script:

What is Economy? In the broadest sense, economy is the sum of human activity: it is how we get things done. Often economy is used as referring to trade, cash, capitalist economy, or even capitalist globalization. However, it also includes cottage industries, barter, gift economies, volunteer work and service, the work of clubs and religious groups, intentional communities, and that basic and ancient unit of family work.

Now let's see how long it takes me to actually speak that and if I can keep myself from saying "um" and "and" too much.

I really, really want to make a post. But I am tired and today was such a crazy day. Of course, much of it is village-relevant, and I am in no position to write coherently about it...

The Dream Gets Closer

Yesterday went to a meeting of "the Valley Community Land Collective". This baby is in it's inception. There was a lot of thoughtful dialogue, and it was exciting to be around 7 or 8 people with similar interests. A representative from a Land Trust in Franklin County was there, and she fielded a lot of questions about the logistics of how a land trust actually operates. The conclusion of the meeting was that we need to continue getting to know each other and what our goals are, finding the intersections there. I have a lot of appreciation for Matt, who's been working hard to get people together around this, and for Chris M, who sent me the info about the meeting in the first place. The dream gets closer.

P.S. This meeting was a block and a half from my house, and pretty much all the people live in Northampton...

I also ran into Sara P. earlier in the day. I keep thinking about her but not calling her, so this was a gift. I have so much admiration for her, and wish to learn from her.

At my workplace today.

People are protesting John Mackey's op ed piece on healthcare. There's regional people and cops everywhere, and customers bashing or ignoring protesters and I'm trying to watch my mouth and it all makes me nauseous and all I can think of is how little the US has progressed in terms of labor, and Upton Sinclair and Howard Zinn and what freedom of speech really means.

Demeter's Salon

Awake at 3:45 because my thoughts refuse to kick around my head any longer. They have waken me in their demand for release, not wholly formed and about to become a mess of tangents and potentialities. So a free-write ramble begins. I was talking with Tom off and on throughout work yesterday, little mini exchanges of ideas and inspirations and hopes and desires for food and barter and conversation and camaraderie and the old combinations of things that make genuinely inspired life. One of the things that stuck with me was that I was telling Tom about how I've been thinking lately about how I want to do something wider... not just getting together people to talk about the village.... but cool people who do are doing all sorts of stuff getting together and exchanging ideas and knowledge and inspiration, etc. He told me to look up "salon". I told him I knew what it meant, and that is pretty close. I admit that I was a little snarky. But I kept thinking about it. Voltaire and the "Enlightenment", and Lady-0h what's her name... gonna look it up when this ramble is done. Woke up thinking about what the spirit of such a gathering might be in this age. And I thought of Demeter. I connect with the associations ascribed to this ancient goddess: the waiting of winter, the longing for ones distant, the creative joy and verdant growth she releases in spring, the associations with harvest and grain and plenty. So I thought of Demeter as a symbolic centerpiece of a salon. Who would she draw? Farmers, craftspeople are the immediate leaps, and vital ones to any significant gathering associated with earth. But the "traditional" author of the salon, the rebels and world-shifters must be there too.... the international peace makers and feminists and the radical professors. I don't know if this is just a gathering in my head or if this is something that could take place. At any rate, I think it expresses a desire I have, something I want to learn how to do and I'm not quite sure of: foster the organic development of a social community of people with various visions and fields who strongly desire to change the world. Create a supportive atmosphere where people connect their visions together in a way that is strong enough for them to take meaningful action to begin making it a reality. On Sunday I was watching video footage of Dr. Ikeda, and he quoted John Lennon: "a dream you dream alone is only a dream, but a dream you dream together is reality", or something like that. Can someone give me the exact line? Anyway, that hit home quite a bit.... right now sometimes I feel like I am dreaming alone, despite that there *are* people who have similar dreams. So how do I make the leap from dreaming alone to dreaming together in a way that we change the reality?

The beginning of the school year stirs up things for me. I have been thinking more again about some of the terminology I learned last school year that helps me clarify just what it is I am striving to work for. I keep coming back to "structural violence" as the central theme of what I so strongly desire to overcome. Structural violence is what we live with every day that makes so many people throughout the world feel chained.... it has nothing to do with living in the United States or not. This has to do with living in a world which is increasingly regulated, over-populated, defined, and economically stratified. This has to do with all the thousand excuses that are used to lock people into place and tie them into invented dependencies on corporations and government and powerful people far away. The only way to fight such things is for people to decide to do something else, and then use their inherent freedom... the sort Socrates and Thoreau and MLK and Josei Toda expressed while imprisioned. The attitude that what we do is not dependent on what external forces do to us, but the destiny we create for ourselves.

I need to study harder. This is a karmic regret of mine that feels more apparent at the beginning of fall, but is always there a little. If I care so much, I cannot wait for what I learn in classrooms and the few things my teachers are able to assign there. I must constantly seek from those who have the spirit of changing society. Time to get close to MLK, Gandhi, Daisaku Ikeda. Time to get acquainted with Audre Lord and Wendell Berry. Time to look at Da Vinci again, and Helen Keller. Time to finally get cozy with Thomas Jefferson. I'm sure I will start and get distracted by school or whatever as I go, but that is alright, I keep coming back to the same themes and role models.

If you are reading this, you are probably already in the salon that lives in my head. Thank you for attending.

Fall Semester

I'm starting classes on Tuesday. This fall I'm taking Quantitative Methods in Geography, Portuguese I, Visual Anthropology, and Economic Geography. I've been wanting to take Economic Geography ever since I found about it and the professor, Julie Graham. Economic Geography studies how economic systems work and impact people in different geographic locations. It also examines capitalism, class, local and alternative economies. The language used to describe these things resonates with me strongly, and I believe it will help me describe my ideals as I work for sustainable and subsidiaristic community. I'm also very excited about taking Portuguese. So much is linked to Brazil and the Amazon, including indigenous rights, sustainability, and the divide between the economic "north" and "south". For me, there are also religious links, since the Soka Gakkai International has been greatly strengthened by the response of the people of Brazil to Dr. Daisaku Ikeda, the President of the Soka Gakkai International. In fact, very recently, Dr. Ikeda was presented with a doctorate by Rohdonia University of Brazil in recognition of his scholastic and active contributions to world peace. I am also looking forward to expanding my understanding of Anthropology, as it has already begun to prove its relevance to my goals.

Of Candles and Tea

I made candles Thursday night. It's been about four years since I did that, so my technique needs a little practice. I recycled leftover wax I'd collected from candles I've had over the past year or so. I had a little red wax and some citronella, so I have six rosy pink candles that have a citronella smell! When wax cools, it contracts, and little wells form in the base of the candle. You're supposed to pour more in, but I made a mess and just barely had enough to initially fill the molds. They look fine though, and I learned some things for next time. I only want to used recycled wax to make my candles, so I'm thinking about advertising for wax wanted on craigslist. Anyway, that was a fulfilling activity!

The other day I got to visit Pages, a new independent coffee bar and bookshop in Conway, MA. Conway is to the north of Amherst, around Greenfield I think. Anyway, Conway is also home to a horse-plowed farm, which I think I may have mentioned that I visited with my Vegetable Production class last semester. I'm starting to have good associations. I'm acquainted with the owner of Pages, and I'm impressed with what she's started. Not only does she carry used books, she incorporates as much local food/coffee/tea product as she can... local made, fresh, non-frozen pastries that are *heavenly*

Tried to buy Orion at work the other day, but couldn't find it. I guess I'll try (ugh) Barnes and Noble.

Tuesday Market

I went to the Tuesday Farmer's Market today. I don't go every Tuesday, but I've been a fair bit this summer. It's one thing to see what's considered "seasonal" at a grocery store like the one where I work and another to see what's *locally* in season. There is some cross-over, but I have noticed through the course of the summer that the "season" for most things is stretched out quite a bit at the store by shipping things in, like blueberries from Mexico six or seven weeks before the first ones are available here. But the things at the market are beautiful, at least if not more beautiful and diverse than the products at the store. Today I found something at the market which I have never seen anywhere else: fresh, locally grown GINGER, the root still attached to the stem and leaves. Even the leaves smell spicy and exotically like the root. I misread the sign initially, and I thought they were $12 each. Turns out they were $12 per pound. I bought two small stemmed ones, and they were only $2.25. Really that isn't much more than what I usually spend for ginger. But these roots are lovely and white, still moist from the ground, and with the top layer of the ginger tinged mauve before it starts branching and leafing. The farmer I bought it from noted that the leaves aren't much good for eating, since they're so fibrous. But he also told me that they make great tea and soup. There was a lot of other great variety. I found little purple onions that looked like shallots at 10 for a dollar. That was a good deal. And a stand was selling nothing but mushrooms: shitaakes and chantarelles for only $4/pint. But I forgot to go back and get them, I was so distracted by the ginger! I hope they are there next week. There was a lot more that I would have liked to stock up with. But I have a confession to make: we haven't been fully appreciative of the produce we have had lately, and too much went to the compost bin without becoming part of a meal. So today I was careful.

I keep re-realizing is that I'm not much of an in-season cook, and I'm also not skilled at food preservation. A lot of things I only know how to use one or two ways. Take zucchini for example. I know zucchini bread can be awesome. I've never made any myself, but my mom always made some in the summer, and I've had some from other people that is generally good. And I know it can be good in pasta sauce, so a couple of weeks ago I grated some up and used it to thicken my home-made chunky sauce. Last week Ann brought in a gigantic zucchini from the garden, and I still have one from the Farmer's Market. I know only so much can go into pasta sauces, and I can only envision making 2 or 3 loaves of zucchini bread. So I guess it's time to get into some research about what to do with the rest.

One other note: at the laundromat today, I picked up Green Living. It's been a long time since I really looked at it, or any other of the many publications now in existence with such similar values and goals to what I'm working toward. It was refreshing, got my imagination and inspiration going a bit more... made me want to compile things and take notes and write responses. So I need to keep in mind how important it is to keep that kind of input coming. Been thinking about purchasing Orion for awhile now, since Kara seems to like it, so I think I'll do that at work this week.

Thanks for reading!